It's been two months since I've updated. There's been a lot going on, both for me and for Jesse.
Jesse had his second follow-up MRI, and I knew this one was critical because this was the result of the maintenance dose of chemo, and no radiation. Granted, the radiation will continue to work from the inside out for quite some time. But, this time I was more scared than the first.
I couldn't let him see that! But I was.
The MRI happened on Thursday the 22nd, with our follow up at oncology on the 25th. The 25th, 2 years since we got engaged. We got married on the 25th. It's my parents' anniversary. Christmas and my grandparents' anniversary is on the 25th. So I told him, it's going to be fine because only good things happen on the 25th. Was I telling him that? Or myself?
Anyways, the last thing I expected that Friday when I went on lunch was a phone call from Jesse. Now, he's known to butt dial. But I saw a 32 second voicemail. Okay, this is real, this is not a drill. Why would he be calling unless he had heard from someone about the MRI? Instantly of course my heart was in my throat. Happily he didn't wait long into the voicemail to say oncology called with GOOD news. It's really rare for him to get his hands on the results that fast, but knew he couldn't let us wait through the weekend to know that the tumor is definitely smaller this time, and less dense. Basically it's like a deflating balloon! That was enough to get us through the weekend.
Tuesday came along and I couldn't get out of work in time to get there. But on reading the report I was a little dismayed to read the dimensions of the mass. They seemed unchanged and still so huge! I thought, but the surgeon took out so much! And then I remembered, Dr. Maurer couldn't get to the sides of the tumor because of the risk to his motor functions. So the dimensions on the outside, yes, are unchanged. But he basically scooped out a bunch and hollowed out the inside. The oncologist suggested possibly in the future adding an infusion style chemotherapy, which I have seen work miracles on someone with the same kind of tumor Jesse has. I'd absolutely be all about it if they think he needs it. At this time however, we continue as we have done. 5 days of double pills, 23 days off, lather rinse repeat, and go in again in January for the next scan.
What we didn't expect was a follow up appointment with his radiation oncologist. Nobody spoke up and admitted it but we were all afraid she had seen something the oncologist missed. Luckily, she wanted to just follow up and check in on him herself. All of the doctors are very happy with his progress and say we are moving in the right direction.
I had been very mysterious about how we were moving forward after my last retrieval. We had an amazing turnout with 9 high quality embryos frozen. We didn't want to waste time on getting to transfer, but we kept very hush hush so that we could put a little more privacy and mystery into it. It's no fun, after all, if everybody knows when we'll be finding out the results!
It seemed like everything went wrong. My body was not cooperating to get ready for a frozen transfer. Then when I was ready, it just happened to line up with when I was supposed to go to Canada for work! Luckily, it was about 5 minutes out of my way to stop at the fertility center. It seems a bit odd to think of it that way... I left home for a work meeting and stopped in Syracuse on my way to get pregnant? Anyways. This was in the end of September.
I promised myself I would not test at home, and I meant that I would not test at home.
So I got home from Canada and had a stockpile of tests waiting for me. Skipping all the details, I got so strong a positive I asked for an early test at the center. On the 4th of October it was confirmed, our transfer was a success!
The thing with IVF is that you never fully get a chance to relax. The whole process of getting ready for a retrieval is non-stop injections, every other day going in for blood work and ultrasounds. Then the big day comes along, and you do get to find out how many eggs they got the same day. This is where the wait begins, and the worry. How many will grow? How many will die? How many will be usable? Then you finally arrive at transfer day and anyone who's ever tried to conceive knows what a mess the two week wait is. So you think, once you get your positive beta you'll be able to relax, right? Wrong. Now the number has to double.
Okay great, that happened. We can relax now, right? Not so fast. We have to have an ultrasound to make sure it isn't ectopic. Then we have to wait another week/week and a half for another ultrasound to see if there's a heartbeat (Ironically, that appointment just happened to be right after Jesse's MRI results. I tell you, only good things happen on the 25th). In theory, this is where I should be able to relax.
The worry never stops. I doubt it will until that baby is in my arms! Something could always go wrong. But I'm trying my best to relax, not read into every little twinge, and enjoy what we worked so hard for!
Other than extreme exhaustion and nausea, I've been feeling really good. Eating has actually become a bit of an issue... bacon, while it makes me happy, it has been making my stomach sad. Many of my favorite things don't even sound good any more. I haven't actually gotten sick, but nothing sounds appetizing! No wonder I actually lost a pounds and a half. Oye!
It's been a wild adventure of a year. And I mean a REALLY BAD adventure of a year, all except Italy. It's taken some great high notes with Jesse's favorable outlook and of course, our little peanut. Usually things flip around my birthday, so hopefully we will stay on an upward trend. 2017 has to be a banner year for Team Stearns.
Jesse had his second follow-up MRI, and I knew this one was critical because this was the result of the maintenance dose of chemo, and no radiation. Granted, the radiation will continue to work from the inside out for quite some time. But, this time I was more scared than the first.
I couldn't let him see that! But I was.
The MRI happened on Thursday the 22nd, with our follow up at oncology on the 25th. The 25th, 2 years since we got engaged. We got married on the 25th. It's my parents' anniversary. Christmas and my grandparents' anniversary is on the 25th. So I told him, it's going to be fine because only good things happen on the 25th. Was I telling him that? Or myself?
Anyways, the last thing I expected that Friday when I went on lunch was a phone call from Jesse. Now, he's known to butt dial. But I saw a 32 second voicemail. Okay, this is real, this is not a drill. Why would he be calling unless he had heard from someone about the MRI? Instantly of course my heart was in my throat. Happily he didn't wait long into the voicemail to say oncology called with GOOD news. It's really rare for him to get his hands on the results that fast, but knew he couldn't let us wait through the weekend to know that the tumor is definitely smaller this time, and less dense. Basically it's like a deflating balloon! That was enough to get us through the weekend.
Tuesday came along and I couldn't get out of work in time to get there. But on reading the report I was a little dismayed to read the dimensions of the mass. They seemed unchanged and still so huge! I thought, but the surgeon took out so much! And then I remembered, Dr. Maurer couldn't get to the sides of the tumor because of the risk to his motor functions. So the dimensions on the outside, yes, are unchanged. But he basically scooped out a bunch and hollowed out the inside. The oncologist suggested possibly in the future adding an infusion style chemotherapy, which I have seen work miracles on someone with the same kind of tumor Jesse has. I'd absolutely be all about it if they think he needs it. At this time however, we continue as we have done. 5 days of double pills, 23 days off, lather rinse repeat, and go in again in January for the next scan.
What we didn't expect was a follow up appointment with his radiation oncologist. Nobody spoke up and admitted it but we were all afraid she had seen something the oncologist missed. Luckily, she wanted to just follow up and check in on him herself. All of the doctors are very happy with his progress and say we are moving in the right direction.
I had been very mysterious about how we were moving forward after my last retrieval. We had an amazing turnout with 9 high quality embryos frozen. We didn't want to waste time on getting to transfer, but we kept very hush hush so that we could put a little more privacy and mystery into it. It's no fun, after all, if everybody knows when we'll be finding out the results!
It seemed like everything went wrong. My body was not cooperating to get ready for a frozen transfer. Then when I was ready, it just happened to line up with when I was supposed to go to Canada for work! Luckily, it was about 5 minutes out of my way to stop at the fertility center. It seems a bit odd to think of it that way... I left home for a work meeting and stopped in Syracuse on my way to get pregnant? Anyways. This was in the end of September.
I promised myself I would not test at home, and I meant that I would not test at home.
So I got home from Canada and had a stockpile of tests waiting for me. Skipping all the details, I got so strong a positive I asked for an early test at the center. On the 4th of October it was confirmed, our transfer was a success!
The thing with IVF is that you never fully get a chance to relax. The whole process of getting ready for a retrieval is non-stop injections, every other day going in for blood work and ultrasounds. Then the big day comes along, and you do get to find out how many eggs they got the same day. This is where the wait begins, and the worry. How many will grow? How many will die? How many will be usable? Then you finally arrive at transfer day and anyone who's ever tried to conceive knows what a mess the two week wait is. So you think, once you get your positive beta you'll be able to relax, right? Wrong. Now the number has to double.
Okay great, that happened. We can relax now, right? Not so fast. We have to have an ultrasound to make sure it isn't ectopic. Then we have to wait another week/week and a half for another ultrasound to see if there's a heartbeat (Ironically, that appointment just happened to be right after Jesse's MRI results. I tell you, only good things happen on the 25th). In theory, this is where I should be able to relax.
The worry never stops. I doubt it will until that baby is in my arms! Something could always go wrong. But I'm trying my best to relax, not read into every little twinge, and enjoy what we worked so hard for!
Other than extreme exhaustion and nausea, I've been feeling really good. Eating has actually become a bit of an issue... bacon, while it makes me happy, it has been making my stomach sad. Many of my favorite things don't even sound good any more. I haven't actually gotten sick, but nothing sounds appetizing! No wonder I actually lost a pounds and a half. Oye!
It's been a wild adventure of a year. And I mean a REALLY BAD adventure of a year, all except Italy. It's taken some great high notes with Jesse's favorable outlook and of course, our little peanut. Usually things flip around my birthday, so hopefully we will stay on an upward trend. 2017 has to be a banner year for Team Stearns.
Comments
Post a Comment