Evalina Charlotte Stearns - Birth Story

Nothing about this child was easy. Starting of course with two rounds of IVF just to get her! Most of my pregnancy was easy and uneventful. That is, until the "Incident" a few weeks ago. When I left the hospital that day, my fear was that I would run out of time to go into labor naturally, and I would need to be induced again. The fear there was, what if I once again did not respond?

Here I was suddenly facing that very thing. 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant, and time was up. On June 25th I went in to the hospital to begin our second attempt at induction. I was very disappointed to learn that since leaving the hospital the first time, I hadn't progressed any further, at all, on my own. A quick ultrasound that morning did confirm that the baby was head down and very low, so that gave me some encouragement. At 8:30 a.m., we were under way!

My hospital doesn't like to jump to Pitocin because it can be so intense, unless you're showing signs of being "ripe" for labor. I was not. So we started with the same medications they tried the last time. The first day passed with mild contractions. I felt comfortable and confident with the way things were progressing! That is, until they checked my progress. Here we go again... no progress. At 11:00 p.m. they tried to manually dilate me to 3 cm using a Foley. If you're not familiar with the process, I'll leave that to you to look up to spare the TMI. The midwife tried to get it into position and it fell out. My OB tried to get it in, and it fell out. So they decided I was not quite ready yet and did another round of the other medication. I was thankful for the opportunity to get some more sleep! Then in the morning they tried the Foley again, and it worked. An hour later I was dilated to 3, and they let me have an hour break to have solid food, a shower, and a walk around without being connected to monitors. Then at last at 7:30 Monday morning it was time to begin The Pit.

Now normally they will increase the Pit by 2 units every half hour to keep things moving. And normally there are 3 or 4 women laboring in the unit at a time. But since the deck was determined to be stacked against me, there were as many as 10 women including myself laboring that day! Some were spontaneous, some were emergencies, but they all made for a much longer day. They got more staff in including a nurse to pay exclusive attention to me. Jesse, my doula/bestie and I worked out a great rhythm: Jesse and I would dance through a contraction and Tricia would use a massager on my lower back. Things got painful fast once they started turning up the dial, and I was having uncontrollable shivers, but surely that was good news, right? That had to mean I was getting close. Once again, not so fast.

At 4 they checked me. When the midwife said I was still only 3-4, I actually shouted "ARE YOU KIDDING ME???" and burst into tears. I couldn't believe that after everything we had done, I was not progressing. Yes, early labor is the longest part. But it was already a day and a half of medication, only to have the only progress come from the manual dilation. I was in agony from the contractions. They were coming too fast giving me barely a minute in between. Some were piggybacking not giving me any break. I fully intended to go without medications but I said to Jesse, "I can't do this". I knew to expect this as a possibility with Pitocin. At 5:00 I caved and asked for pain medication. They injected it into my IV and before they were even done, I was motioning for Jesse and Tricia to lay me down. I passed out for about 4 hours, and at that point found myself asking for that which I also didn't want: an epidural. The anesthesiologist told me don't expect it to take the pain away fully, but it would make it bearable. He hooked me up and gave me the button for breakthrough pain, and I tried to get some more sleep. In the middle of the night they came to check me, and break my water, thinking it would help move things along. I wasn't surprised to hear I hadn't progressed past 4, but it sure did discourage me.

About this time, the back pain was beginning. Best I could describe is it felt like someone was squeezing my left kidney and wouldn't let go. I was pressing on the button for the epidural way too often, more than it was available for use. I wasn't sleeping. The nurses came in a few times during the night because the baby's heart rate was getting too high. They gave me an oxygen mask and re-positioned me. That didn't do my back pain any favors!

Morning finally came and they checked me again. When they said I still hadn't progressed, I felt completely broken. Why wouldn't my body work? I was in so much pain from my back, and the epidural was essentially useless. I was feeling every contraction. They tried me on my hands and knees to relieve the back pain and it helped some, but I was too exhausted to hold it for long. At that point, I finally snapped. Now I was also vomiting on top of everything else. It was shift change and I told the nurse it was time to talk about options.

After saying the one thing I did not want was a C-section, I was at the point of begging for one. It had been 48 hours. I had never felt so much pain in my life. Nothing was easing it. Nothing was helping me to progress. I couldn't imagine it getting worse if I even made it to active labor, transition, or pushing. Not to mention, there's a time limit after water breaks to get the baby out before we start adding MORE risks to her. Even with the oxygen mask, her heart rate was too high. The doctor who came in told me that we were both borderline tachycardia and the time was right to discuss a section. He had one scheduled for shortly after that, but they could move her up, or we could say go ahead with her and take me in after. That would have been 2 in the afternoon. I was done at that point and said no, we have to go now. So my C-section was scheduled for 11:00 on Tuesday morning.

Here's where things should get easier, but don't.

Anesthesia came in and changed the epidural medication to the numbing medication for the section. After an extended wait, it still wasn't working for me. So they took me into the OR and replaced the epidural with a spinal. It took a very long time for them to feel comfortable that I was ready for them to go ahead. I could still feel but it was bearable. Finally at least I had some relief from the back pain and the contractions, but I could feel when they started the section. When they got to the final layers before the baby, I suddenly jumped and screamed "I FEEL THAT!!!" At last we were out of options, and they had to put me completely under.

Poor Jesse got whisked out of the OR before he could fully understand what was happening. They got me ready, and finally at 11:39 a.m. Evalina Charlotte made her very dramatic entry into the world.

The first thing I can remember was waking up in my room and hearing my baby cry. It was the sweetest sound in the world. She was in the arms of her daddy, and when I finally felt strong enough I said "GIVE HER TO ME!" 53 hours of very hard labor were finally over. 

I had always thought that I would be upset, feel cheated, and regretful if I didn't even get to try to push. I was so adamant about a natural birth that I was afraid of how I would feel if I didn't get it. But truly, as soon as I held that little miracle, I really didn't care. I did everything I could, the doctors, my doula, my husband, we all did everything we could to make this happen in the way we wanted but it just wasn't meant to be. But that doesn't make me any less of a warrior. She is here, healthy, and perfect. It was a hard fought battle from the first injection to having to be put under, but truly she was worth every bit.